This is the story of how I died inside. I never expected it to happen like this, but then again, how could I? I was minding my own business when out of the blue, it came to me: The Summer I Turned Pretty. Now, I had already seen the majority of the first two seasons and gave up on it because, to be frank, it was trash and insulted me as a half-Korean girl. But I figured I had nothing better to do, and I could just watch this for laughs. I was gravely mistaken.

Welcome to the world of Jeremiah Fisher (sighs), Isabelle “Belly” Conklin’s boyfriend at the start of this season and the brother to her true love (or whatever these teen dramas call it), Conrad Fisher. I never expected to loathe someone fictional as deeply as I do Jeremiah. He’s literally the definition of a Sabrina Carpenter “Manchild,” he’s a frat boy, drives a red Jeep, and has the most soulless blue eyes I’ve ever seen. And, matched with his unkept, curly “I don’t need a brush” hairstyle, he’s become the demon that keeps me up at night. If this doesn’t sound bad enough, think again, because Jeremiah cheats on Belly TWICE and then proposes to her. And she says yes. I’m not saying this is all on him for making a stupid proposal, because she’s obviously insane to have said yes, but something is very wrong with him.

Now, Jeremiah may be a genius, but he’s also a poet. Some profound quotes include: “Bellyyyy, I’m gonna marry you, girl, wherever you areee,” “How come nobody ever wants to play with me” (in a baby voice), “pwetty pleeease” (also in a baby voice), and, how could I forget, his “Alexa, play ‘So Pretty’” where he proceeds to dance and take his jacket off in the middle of a country club. And how could I forget, the two-tier dark chocolate mirror glaze cake with raspberry coulis filling and cacao beans that Jeremiah simply must have, even though it’s a whopping $750. To quote Conrad, the clearly better brother in this battle of absolutely no competition, “my chest physically hurts” having to relive moments of Jeremiah existing. I QUIT. I quit this show. I quit caring about anything. I’m in so much anguish over this FICTIONAL jerk, and I don’t know why I’m stuck here watching this show every Wednesday. I suppose some part of me is holding onto the hope that Jeremiah gets his just desserts. And that it will absolutely crush his soul like his behavior has crushed mine. Anyway, I gotta get back to watching it now.